I would have Not sure who is harder to raise my husband or my kids shirt the courthouse you established custody at and see about meeting with a court mediator to discuss and maybe even modify her visitation. (if they have court mediators where you live, if not just file to see a judge to modify visitation). Then you can bring up the issues and make BM understand that she MUST have all things that the child needs while in her care (clothes that fit, clean environment, food, etc) and if she isn’t able to provide those things than they could potentially reduce her visitation time or modify it so that a home visit must be complete before she is able to continue visitations….something along those lines. It’s not fair to the child to have to go there when she can’t care for him.
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She’s not bitching about her stepson. She’s bitching about the fact that his biological mother either doesn’t care or Not sure who is harder to raise my husband or my kids shirt knows that her and her husband will take care of it. It’s one thing to say “oops my bad on the hair” but a completely different thing to not know your own kids sizes and not let the other parent know anything that has happened medically even if it’s just a bee sting. It’s called co parenting and all who are involved in taking care of him should be able to communicate and voice their concerns.